standing in one place for 5 hours can really open your eyes to the ugliness of people and yourself.
As I'm standing here I'm wondering, what would people think if I spoke nothing but the absolute blunt truth to them. where would I be, what would have changed. ' antonio did you cheat on me'
'yes...she was also better in bed than you'
shit like that.
' do you like me?'
'No but the attention is nice, besides your way too scrawny for me anyways'
how would people react to that? I mean I could take a biblical standpoint and say I'd be more 'godlike' but I'd be literally hated by everyone. it would sure weed out the friends that matter and the ones that are 'single serving' but that would make you pretty fucking unpleasant to be around tho.
not to mention that I'm sure people enjoy being lied to.
'does this make me look fat?'
'absolutely not baby your beautiful'
that's a good one haha, I stuggle with that because I think that you should tell someone their slackin, because I would want to know if I was!
and I'm very against that whole ' oh baby I love you so much blah blah blah sappy shit.' you can clearly guage how much they DONT say I love you and kiss up to you I think. for me its been the girls that I never here it from that matter the most to me.... maybe because I just knew, I didn't need to be told all the time, I just knew it.
hell me and carmen still love eachother, maybe not the same way that two lovers love eachother,but we care about what's going on in eachothers lives...even if it is quietly...
even then, would her relationship be as sound if her boyfriend knew that simple fact? better yet would it even matter? should it? I don't know if I even want to know the answer.
I think people like to believe life is easy most times, they have their eyes closed and think that their living life to the fullest. me on the other hand, I'm trying, and slowly I will be able to libe life to the fullest, but because of my slacking up until this point I'm gonna have to crack down....
hmmm what if.....
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
orderly chaos
So uhm... Kitsune-sama here, in a car with people that I don't know if I want to be around going to an area that I don't care too much about but I've really got dick else to do.
Buisness should be going pretty well, I can't devote as much time as I want, but that might change soon. Not that I want to quit my job but I just think I can get the ball rolling fast. Now that's something I'm looking forward to. Freedom. I can't wait to be able to just sit and work, without dealing with idiot people, and at night going out and having crazy amounts of fun. I think I just can't wait to move into this place that brit talked about... If that's still happening. But then again there is vegas if that doesn't work. But then again would that mean that I'm running away again?
I want to work out more, I mean I do my fair share in the am but I want to goto the fucking gym, that also goes with the fact that if my business was my primary form of income I would be able to do what I want.
Love life? Hmmm not sure that's going on with that, I have a strong feeling that in some way or another I might end up in something pretty soon, maybe not 'soon' but you know what I mean.... Its funny tho, its usually times when I want to dissappear that I usually endup with someone. Not 'dissappear' dissappear just focus on me more... Or like be a hermit and work work work that way I don't feel so damn bad when I'm traveling and I don't work at all. Japan and china for business, more like 5% business 95% chasing ass and partying. Same with china,vegas on the other hand 35% business 65% partying since I already have connections there.
Attraction. What's a turn on to me....independance, smarts and I think dependablitiy is a huge thing. Very big actually especially for me, also someone that can keep up. Bah! Work is calling yet again
Ja ne
Buisness should be going pretty well, I can't devote as much time as I want, but that might change soon. Not that I want to quit my job but I just think I can get the ball rolling fast. Now that's something I'm looking forward to. Freedom. I can't wait to be able to just sit and work, without dealing with idiot people, and at night going out and having crazy amounts of fun. I think I just can't wait to move into this place that brit talked about... If that's still happening. But then again there is vegas if that doesn't work. But then again would that mean that I'm running away again?
I want to work out more, I mean I do my fair share in the am but I want to goto the fucking gym, that also goes with the fact that if my business was my primary form of income I would be able to do what I want.
Love life? Hmmm not sure that's going on with that, I have a strong feeling that in some way or another I might end up in something pretty soon, maybe not 'soon' but you know what I mean.... Its funny tho, its usually times when I want to dissappear that I usually endup with someone. Not 'dissappear' dissappear just focus on me more... Or like be a hermit and work work work that way I don't feel so damn bad when I'm traveling and I don't work at all. Japan and china for business, more like 5% business 95% chasing ass and partying. Same with china,vegas on the other hand 35% business 65% partying since I already have connections there.
Attraction. What's a turn on to me....independance, smarts and I think dependablitiy is a huge thing. Very big actually especially for me, also someone that can keep up. Bah! Work is calling yet again
Ja ne
Saturday, October 25, 2008
about that time
They both sat close to eachother infront of the fire. it had been nightfall for a few hours now and the chill of winter started to wear in
"what do you want this time?" Antonio said looking up at Fox
"im thinkin of a master plan" he said, " okay, I'm liein she's on my mind"
Antonio's mood shifted," leave it alone now, its done"
" you never want to have any fun!" fox said with a slight grin, he was upto somthing as always.
"fun gets us into trouble"
"yea, but no fun is....well...no fun!! your so tense all the damn time, chill the fuck out!"
"well times are hard, we need to focus"
" yea but your gonna turn into an angry little man soon if your in control all the time"
" well if your in control all the time then we'll never get anything done"
" I guess that's one way to look at it love, but another way to look at it is that nothing is ever serious enough for you to be in control"
" I suppose that your going to tell me now that things would have been different had you been in control days ago right?"
Fox didn't say anything, he instead gave his peircing smile, the smile that says everything but nothing at the same time. you see fox had a motto that he went by 'dont say what you can just wave, don't wave what you can just wink and don't wink what can just smile. This was a smile moment. it meant something was going to happen, predicting the future was always one of Fox's strong points, but being prepared for the future was Antonio's.
" I'm taking control, let's go have fun, let's do work while having fun eh love?" he said it with a wink this time
" Mmm.." Antonio didn't like admitting Fox was right about anything, but he always was......
"what do you want this time?" Antonio said looking up at Fox
"im thinkin of a master plan" he said, " okay, I'm liein she's on my mind"
Antonio's mood shifted," leave it alone now, its done"
" you never want to have any fun!" fox said with a slight grin, he was upto somthing as always.
"fun gets us into trouble"
"yea, but no fun is....well...no fun!! your so tense all the damn time, chill the fuck out!"
"well times are hard, we need to focus"
" yea but your gonna turn into an angry little man soon if your in control all the time"
" well if your in control all the time then we'll never get anything done"
" I guess that's one way to look at it love, but another way to look at it is that nothing is ever serious enough for you to be in control"
" I suppose that your going to tell me now that things would have been different had you been in control days ago right?"
Fox didn't say anything, he instead gave his peircing smile, the smile that says everything but nothing at the same time. you see fox had a motto that he went by 'dont say what you can just wave, don't wave what you can just wink and don't wink what can just smile. This was a smile moment. it meant something was going to happen, predicting the future was always one of Fox's strong points, but being prepared for the future was Antonio's.
" I'm taking control, let's go have fun, let's do work while having fun eh love?" he said it with a wink this time
" Mmm.." Antonio didn't like admitting Fox was right about anything, but he always was......
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Untitled
Kay,
I hope this is only your eyes reading this, because I really don't want to deal with what anyone else has to say about this. I'm just gonna jump right into this.
I understand that you love rain, like you said yourself, you may not be in love with him still, but you do love him. I don't know what you two said to eachother last night but im still upset and worried about how your going to survive in this situation. Its seeming clear to me that the only people that are telling you to get out of this situation is me and brittany, but its crazy because you can't do anything with your mom pushing you onto him. I really am scared and worried for you, because this isn't love on his end. Love would have made him leave last night, love would have said "yea, I can't fix myself being here" Me and your brother lastnight told rain that he just needed to let go and do things on his own, and he still holding on for dear life. nothing in this house is good for you, and if and when we all move into that place your probably going to be a new person.
I say all that because what I say next isn't your fault. You've been a great help to me and I wish things were different, but I just can't be associated with you right now. With all this going on, I really think that you really cannot do anything with yourself because of all this holding you back. your parents and rain included, and because I really do have strong feelings for you. Your everything I wanted in a girl and I'd love to be able to express that, and thats why I can't be around now to watch this happening to you. Maybe we can keep intouch through blogs, but after this weekend I'm taking myself out of the situation. You know whats right, and you know what you want, and until you start getting what you want nothing is gonna change. Staying in a house you don't want and being with a guy you don't want because your afraid that he's gonna kill himself isn't the way to live. I hope you get sick and tired of this soon, because maybe then I'll have my assistant back
Love,
Fox...
I hope this is only your eyes reading this, because I really don't want to deal with what anyone else has to say about this. I'm just gonna jump right into this.
I understand that you love rain, like you said yourself, you may not be in love with him still, but you do love him. I don't know what you two said to eachother last night but im still upset and worried about how your going to survive in this situation. Its seeming clear to me that the only people that are telling you to get out of this situation is me and brittany, but its crazy because you can't do anything with your mom pushing you onto him. I really am scared and worried for you, because this isn't love on his end. Love would have made him leave last night, love would have said "yea, I can't fix myself being here" Me and your brother lastnight told rain that he just needed to let go and do things on his own, and he still holding on for dear life. nothing in this house is good for you, and if and when we all move into that place your probably going to be a new person.
I say all that because what I say next isn't your fault. You've been a great help to me and I wish things were different, but I just can't be associated with you right now. With all this going on, I really think that you really cannot do anything with yourself because of all this holding you back. your parents and rain included, and because I really do have strong feelings for you. Your everything I wanted in a girl and I'd love to be able to express that, and thats why I can't be around now to watch this happening to you. Maybe we can keep intouch through blogs, but after this weekend I'm taking myself out of the situation. You know whats right, and you know what you want, and until you start getting what you want nothing is gonna change. Staying in a house you don't want and being with a guy you don't want because your afraid that he's gonna kill himself isn't the way to live. I hope you get sick and tired of this soon, because maybe then I'll have my assistant back
Love,
Fox...
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