So it's been a few months.
Started a relationship. Kinda
Got rid of old luggage. sorta
Grew mentally. a lot
So a couple months and a couple tattoos later, I'm here and it's a new year.
Basically, Im a new fox now. If there were 2 people in the backyard of my mind, now theres 3; Both of them combind. best of both worlds. and moving all the bullshit where it needs to go. the trash.
I've adopted a new mindset: Stop thinking and start acting.
I mean I'm still thinking about the steps I take before I take them, im just moving on them faster.
I'm incorporating late this month, which will bring the cashflow and work that Im wanting. hopefully complete job freedom soon too. japan in maybe june.
im still looking for.... I'm not even sure what im looking for anymore. but I know that I'm looking for it.
either way. rambling at this point haha.
ja.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Sunday, November 9, 2008
untitled chapter 2
The time between the girl and the two was long hard and cold. Bitterness between them was thick in the air as Fox continued his seemingly endless amount of pushups. His features were different now; longer hair which was unkept and danced around his forehead.his playful demeanor seemed like a far way breeze, Antonio wasn't anywhere to be found. It had been a long time since he had seen his old friend. He would have missed him, but sleep wasn't a part of his new diet. Work laced with more work was his new focus, gotta get somewhere fast? Do it yourself.
He when for a short jog to clear his head before his next meeting, his jog took him down an old road that he hadn't seen in years, new houses and commecial billboards sprung up from nowhere; but that didn't bother him in the slightest. He was a rock. "Hey, its been a while" she said to him. It was kay, and he knew it. Part of him wanted to explode out of this dark area he'd been in, but a larger part remembered what had happened in the past. How easily she had just walked away because of a situation that was meaningless. Flashbacks of oh she said they were bestfriends, shattered because of a rash decision she made so long ago.
He stopped and started to turn to face her slowly. Freezing before he faced her a flash of anger moved over him."If you see kay around tell her that we miss her"
"But I am kay silly" she said with a nervous laugh
"Hmph" he turned back around and started back on his path. Her forced smile melted away as she realized what she had done; pushed away a good friend because of what someone else had to say.
He reached his destination, a stasis lab across town. There he was, Antonio floating in a 1000 gallon tank as if being prepared for somthing. "How long?" Fox said to one of the technions, " well..it could be any day now sir, we just need him to let go" the small man nervously studdered out. Fox strangled the other 7 that tried to say that Antonio would never be ready in time, Fox knew something that now one else did. He walked up to the container and banged on it as if to get Antonio's attention. "The merger will happen soon, don't worry"
He when for a short jog to clear his head before his next meeting, his jog took him down an old road that he hadn't seen in years, new houses and commecial billboards sprung up from nowhere; but that didn't bother him in the slightest. He was a rock. "Hey, its been a while" she said to him. It was kay, and he knew it. Part of him wanted to explode out of this dark area he'd been in, but a larger part remembered what had happened in the past. How easily she had just walked away because of a situation that was meaningless. Flashbacks of oh she said they were bestfriends, shattered because of a rash decision she made so long ago.
He stopped and started to turn to face her slowly. Freezing before he faced her a flash of anger moved over him."If you see kay around tell her that we miss her"
"But I am kay silly" she said with a nervous laugh
"Hmph" he turned back around and started back on his path. Her forced smile melted away as she realized what she had done; pushed away a good friend because of what someone else had to say.
He reached his destination, a stasis lab across town. There he was, Antonio floating in a 1000 gallon tank as if being prepared for somthing. "How long?" Fox said to one of the technions, " well..it could be any day now sir, we just need him to let go" the small man nervously studdered out. Fox strangled the other 7 that tried to say that Antonio would never be ready in time, Fox knew something that now one else did. He walked up to the container and banged on it as if to get Antonio's attention. "The merger will happen soon, don't worry"
Thursday, November 6, 2008
his response
They sat in the room quiet for a seemingly days; Antonio on the loveseat near the window and Fox playing the piano passionately. The air was tense and they were speaking to eachother without words, arguing calmly, fighting eachother desperately.
"This is just like you" Fox said to Antonio breaking a seemingly endless silence.
"I know" Antonio started,"I'm just letting her go."
"A true demonstration of true love eh?" Fox said "being an example maybe? Or maybe your just soft"
It was weird that Fox was the one showing emotion this time, throwing away his calm disposition."What do you expect out of this? You'll never see her again you know this right?"
"Probably"
"And your okay with that?"
"No..."
"Then what are you doing?"
"I know what I'm doing"
Fox controlled himself again, but his song changed; Dangerously in love, he played softly singing "She said 'I"
"She has my number"
"Am in love with you"
"And I'll be in touch every so often"
"You set me free"
"She's probably comming back too"
"I can't do this thing called life with out you here with me cause I'm"
"And maybe he'll actually care about something other than himself"
"Dangerously in love with you"
"And its not like she really loves me"
"I'll never leave just"
"Wait til she's older, she'll wise up and know that he's bad for her"
"Just keep lovin me the way I love you lovin me...you know what?" Fox started," your meant for something extremely great, the people left here will be here when you need them, and the people that want to keep up, well you'll rely on them... You've been holding back all your life...stop"
Antonio stood up and walked outside to feel the cold. He needed to feel something he thought not just blank for once. His phone rang again, work again he said to himself the txt read " miss me?" He smiled to himself, as the clouds moved away. Work needed to be done, greatness is never acheived in a day. we can relax later, this winter was gonna be different.
"This is just like you" Fox said to Antonio breaking a seemingly endless silence.
"I know" Antonio started,"I'm just letting her go."
"A true demonstration of true love eh?" Fox said "being an example maybe? Or maybe your just soft"
It was weird that Fox was the one showing emotion this time, throwing away his calm disposition."What do you expect out of this? You'll never see her again you know this right?"
"Probably"
"And your okay with that?"
"No..."
"Then what are you doing?"
"I know what I'm doing"
Fox controlled himself again, but his song changed; Dangerously in love, he played softly singing "She said 'I"
"She has my number"
"Am in love with you"
"And I'll be in touch every so often"
"You set me free"
"She's probably comming back too"
"I can't do this thing called life with out you here with me cause I'm"
"And maybe he'll actually care about something other than himself"
"Dangerously in love with you"
"And its not like she really loves me"
"I'll never leave just"
"Wait til she's older, she'll wise up and know that he's bad for her"
"Just keep lovin me the way I love you lovin me...you know what?" Fox started," your meant for something extremely great, the people left here will be here when you need them, and the people that want to keep up, well you'll rely on them... You've been holding back all your life...stop"
Antonio stood up and walked outside to feel the cold. He needed to feel something he thought not just blank for once. His phone rang again, work again he said to himself the txt read " miss me?" He smiled to himself, as the clouds moved away. Work needed to be done, greatness is never acheived in a day. we can relax later, this winter was gonna be different.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
they respond
In light of the situation, being that they both were called into the light, they both agreed to meet her in a neutral location; A small room with a piano in the corner, Antonio stepped up to talk to her first since he'd been dealing with the situation longer. Fox didn't agree, but in the spirit of the moment he held his mouth shut and played 'eternal memory of lightwaves'on the piano.
"Look" Antonio started," I do care about you, too much actually, but I can't even begin to describe what a bad choice this is, this guy is so broken and you moving with him is just going to kick things into overdrive. That's assuming that your parents even let you get that far! What good is gonna come out of moving? For you? Nothing. For him, he gets you isolated so anything he wants he gets, and not one can do anything about it. Its too risky. Period. I can't believe that after everything that happened, result that you came up with was to move 6 hours away with him. You guys can't survive here and you both have friends and connections here but you wanna move away with him to a place where you have no connections and he just has his mom? Bah!"
Antonio stood up and stormed out of the room. A slow grin appeared on Fox's face " he means well, he just freaks when things are going in dumb directions" he continued to play, it put him in a wise mood the thought." Your 17 trying to function in a 24 year olds world, it may feel like you need to do everything to help him, but don't break everything good you have for a guy, heheh and that's all he really is"
It was true, yes their dating, for years, but both of them were still terribly young with the world on their shoulders.
" Everything you know tells you to take care of your boyfriend, atleast while your home, but once your out with friends your free and open, your stressed because what you feel and what you FEEL are two different emotionsm. So you let someone else choose for you. Your so focused on rain that your missing and willing to give up the great life around you. This choice is going to be hard, because this is forcing you to mold yourself into 1 of 2 things. A great girlfriend, or a great person. Be careful when giving up your friends and everything you've know for someone you've only known for a few years, because that's a choice you can't take back. You said it best yourself, your only 17, so why are you acting like your 24? Who's gonna take you on your first club trip? Who's gonna party with you on newyears? Who's gonna chill with you after work and talk about....life? Why move away from connections that you have and before you can enjoy...I mean REALLY enjoy life...."
He stopped playing and just looked at the keys " you think you feel stressed now... What's going to happen when you 6 hours away and you fight but have no where to run to?"
He stood up and walked over to her, he gave her a bright smile and pinched her cheek, "no matter where you go you'll always be my girl, just remember no one can look out for you if we can't reach you love"
He bent down and kissed her on the forehead and started for the door " we've lost respect for him because he's lied to us too much, whatever you do just be real with us, let us know how you feel....that's all we really ask"
"Look" Antonio started," I do care about you, too much actually, but I can't even begin to describe what a bad choice this is, this guy is so broken and you moving with him is just going to kick things into overdrive. That's assuming that your parents even let you get that far! What good is gonna come out of moving? For you? Nothing. For him, he gets you isolated so anything he wants he gets, and not one can do anything about it. Its too risky. Period. I can't believe that after everything that happened, result that you came up with was to move 6 hours away with him. You guys can't survive here and you both have friends and connections here but you wanna move away with him to a place where you have no connections and he just has his mom? Bah!"
Antonio stood up and stormed out of the room. A slow grin appeared on Fox's face " he means well, he just freaks when things are going in dumb directions" he continued to play, it put him in a wise mood the thought." Your 17 trying to function in a 24 year olds world, it may feel like you need to do everything to help him, but don't break everything good you have for a guy, heheh and that's all he really is"
It was true, yes their dating, for years, but both of them were still terribly young with the world on their shoulders.
" Everything you know tells you to take care of your boyfriend, atleast while your home, but once your out with friends your free and open, your stressed because what you feel and what you FEEL are two different emotionsm. So you let someone else choose for you. Your so focused on rain that your missing and willing to give up the great life around you. This choice is going to be hard, because this is forcing you to mold yourself into 1 of 2 things. A great girlfriend, or a great person. Be careful when giving up your friends and everything you've know for someone you've only known for a few years, because that's a choice you can't take back. You said it best yourself, your only 17, so why are you acting like your 24? Who's gonna take you on your first club trip? Who's gonna party with you on newyears? Who's gonna chill with you after work and talk about....life? Why move away from connections that you have and before you can enjoy...I mean REALLY enjoy life...."
He stopped playing and just looked at the keys " you think you feel stressed now... What's going to happen when you 6 hours away and you fight but have no where to run to?"
He stood up and walked over to her, he gave her a bright smile and pinched her cheek, "no matter where you go you'll always be my girl, just remember no one can look out for you if we can't reach you love"
He bent down and kissed her on the forehead and started for the door " we've lost respect for him because he's lied to us too much, whatever you do just be real with us, let us know how you feel....that's all we really ask"
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
chaotic thoughts of a calm mind
standing in one place for 5 hours can really open your eyes to the ugliness of people and yourself.
As I'm standing here I'm wondering, what would people think if I spoke nothing but the absolute blunt truth to them. where would I be, what would have changed. ' antonio did you cheat on me'
'yes...she was also better in bed than you'
shit like that.
' do you like me?'
'No but the attention is nice, besides your way too scrawny for me anyways'
how would people react to that? I mean I could take a biblical standpoint and say I'd be more 'godlike' but I'd be literally hated by everyone. it would sure weed out the friends that matter and the ones that are 'single serving' but that would make you pretty fucking unpleasant to be around tho.
not to mention that I'm sure people enjoy being lied to.
'does this make me look fat?'
'absolutely not baby your beautiful'
that's a good one haha, I stuggle with that because I think that you should tell someone their slackin, because I would want to know if I was!
and I'm very against that whole ' oh baby I love you so much blah blah blah sappy shit.' you can clearly guage how much they DONT say I love you and kiss up to you I think. for me its been the girls that I never here it from that matter the most to me.... maybe because I just knew, I didn't need to be told all the time, I just knew it.
hell me and carmen still love eachother, maybe not the same way that two lovers love eachother,but we care about what's going on in eachothers lives...even if it is quietly...
even then, would her relationship be as sound if her boyfriend knew that simple fact? better yet would it even matter? should it? I don't know if I even want to know the answer.
I think people like to believe life is easy most times, they have their eyes closed and think that their living life to the fullest. me on the other hand, I'm trying, and slowly I will be able to libe life to the fullest, but because of my slacking up until this point I'm gonna have to crack down....
hmmm what if.....
As I'm standing here I'm wondering, what would people think if I spoke nothing but the absolute blunt truth to them. where would I be, what would have changed. ' antonio did you cheat on me'
'yes...she was also better in bed than you'
shit like that.
' do you like me?'
'No but the attention is nice, besides your way too scrawny for me anyways'
how would people react to that? I mean I could take a biblical standpoint and say I'd be more 'godlike' but I'd be literally hated by everyone. it would sure weed out the friends that matter and the ones that are 'single serving' but that would make you pretty fucking unpleasant to be around tho.
not to mention that I'm sure people enjoy being lied to.
'does this make me look fat?'
'absolutely not baby your beautiful'
that's a good one haha, I stuggle with that because I think that you should tell someone their slackin, because I would want to know if I was!
and I'm very against that whole ' oh baby I love you so much blah blah blah sappy shit.' you can clearly guage how much they DONT say I love you and kiss up to you I think. for me its been the girls that I never here it from that matter the most to me.... maybe because I just knew, I didn't need to be told all the time, I just knew it.
hell me and carmen still love eachother, maybe not the same way that two lovers love eachother,but we care about what's going on in eachothers lives...even if it is quietly...
even then, would her relationship be as sound if her boyfriend knew that simple fact? better yet would it even matter? should it? I don't know if I even want to know the answer.
I think people like to believe life is easy most times, they have their eyes closed and think that their living life to the fullest. me on the other hand, I'm trying, and slowly I will be able to libe life to the fullest, but because of my slacking up until this point I'm gonna have to crack down....
hmmm what if.....
Sunday, October 26, 2008
orderly chaos
So uhm... Kitsune-sama here, in a car with people that I don't know if I want to be around going to an area that I don't care too much about but I've really got dick else to do.
Buisness should be going pretty well, I can't devote as much time as I want, but that might change soon. Not that I want to quit my job but I just think I can get the ball rolling fast. Now that's something I'm looking forward to. Freedom. I can't wait to be able to just sit and work, without dealing with idiot people, and at night going out and having crazy amounts of fun. I think I just can't wait to move into this place that brit talked about... If that's still happening. But then again there is vegas if that doesn't work. But then again would that mean that I'm running away again?
I want to work out more, I mean I do my fair share in the am but I want to goto the fucking gym, that also goes with the fact that if my business was my primary form of income I would be able to do what I want.
Love life? Hmmm not sure that's going on with that, I have a strong feeling that in some way or another I might end up in something pretty soon, maybe not 'soon' but you know what I mean.... Its funny tho, its usually times when I want to dissappear that I usually endup with someone. Not 'dissappear' dissappear just focus on me more... Or like be a hermit and work work work that way I don't feel so damn bad when I'm traveling and I don't work at all. Japan and china for business, more like 5% business 95% chasing ass and partying. Same with china,vegas on the other hand 35% business 65% partying since I already have connections there.
Attraction. What's a turn on to me....independance, smarts and I think dependablitiy is a huge thing. Very big actually especially for me, also someone that can keep up. Bah! Work is calling yet again
Ja ne
Buisness should be going pretty well, I can't devote as much time as I want, but that might change soon. Not that I want to quit my job but I just think I can get the ball rolling fast. Now that's something I'm looking forward to. Freedom. I can't wait to be able to just sit and work, without dealing with idiot people, and at night going out and having crazy amounts of fun. I think I just can't wait to move into this place that brit talked about... If that's still happening. But then again there is vegas if that doesn't work. But then again would that mean that I'm running away again?
I want to work out more, I mean I do my fair share in the am but I want to goto the fucking gym, that also goes with the fact that if my business was my primary form of income I would be able to do what I want.
Love life? Hmmm not sure that's going on with that, I have a strong feeling that in some way or another I might end up in something pretty soon, maybe not 'soon' but you know what I mean.... Its funny tho, its usually times when I want to dissappear that I usually endup with someone. Not 'dissappear' dissappear just focus on me more... Or like be a hermit and work work work that way I don't feel so damn bad when I'm traveling and I don't work at all. Japan and china for business, more like 5% business 95% chasing ass and partying. Same with china,vegas on the other hand 35% business 65% partying since I already have connections there.
Attraction. What's a turn on to me....independance, smarts and I think dependablitiy is a huge thing. Very big actually especially for me, also someone that can keep up. Bah! Work is calling yet again
Ja ne
Saturday, October 25, 2008
about that time
They both sat close to eachother infront of the fire. it had been nightfall for a few hours now and the chill of winter started to wear in
"what do you want this time?" Antonio said looking up at Fox
"im thinkin of a master plan" he said, " okay, I'm liein she's on my mind"
Antonio's mood shifted," leave it alone now, its done"
" you never want to have any fun!" fox said with a slight grin, he was upto somthing as always.
"fun gets us into trouble"
"yea, but no fun is....well...no fun!! your so tense all the damn time, chill the fuck out!"
"well times are hard, we need to focus"
" yea but your gonna turn into an angry little man soon if your in control all the time"
" well if your in control all the time then we'll never get anything done"
" I guess that's one way to look at it love, but another way to look at it is that nothing is ever serious enough for you to be in control"
" I suppose that your going to tell me now that things would have been different had you been in control days ago right?"
Fox didn't say anything, he instead gave his peircing smile, the smile that says everything but nothing at the same time. you see fox had a motto that he went by 'dont say what you can just wave, don't wave what you can just wink and don't wink what can just smile. This was a smile moment. it meant something was going to happen, predicting the future was always one of Fox's strong points, but being prepared for the future was Antonio's.
" I'm taking control, let's go have fun, let's do work while having fun eh love?" he said it with a wink this time
" Mmm.." Antonio didn't like admitting Fox was right about anything, but he always was......
"what do you want this time?" Antonio said looking up at Fox
"im thinkin of a master plan" he said, " okay, I'm liein she's on my mind"
Antonio's mood shifted," leave it alone now, its done"
" you never want to have any fun!" fox said with a slight grin, he was upto somthing as always.
"fun gets us into trouble"
"yea, but no fun is....well...no fun!! your so tense all the damn time, chill the fuck out!"
"well times are hard, we need to focus"
" yea but your gonna turn into an angry little man soon if your in control all the time"
" well if your in control all the time then we'll never get anything done"
" I guess that's one way to look at it love, but another way to look at it is that nothing is ever serious enough for you to be in control"
" I suppose that your going to tell me now that things would have been different had you been in control days ago right?"
Fox didn't say anything, he instead gave his peircing smile, the smile that says everything but nothing at the same time. you see fox had a motto that he went by 'dont say what you can just wave, don't wave what you can just wink and don't wink what can just smile. This was a smile moment. it meant something was going to happen, predicting the future was always one of Fox's strong points, but being prepared for the future was Antonio's.
" I'm taking control, let's go have fun, let's do work while having fun eh love?" he said it with a wink this time
" Mmm.." Antonio didn't like admitting Fox was right about anything, but he always was......
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